Subway Encounter

I was riding the subway earlier this evening when a friendly drunk old man sat down next to me. After a few moments, he began to nudge me in the side with his elbow but I was pretending to read. I ignored him the first two times he did, but when he did it a third time, I figured it was either very important, very funny, very scary, or that he was very drunk. Regardless, I had no choice but to acknowledge him.

Since sometimes I pretend I'm a playwright when I'm drawing with my crayons, I've decided to tell the next part of the story as a play:

DRUNK OLD MAN nudges STEVE again. STEVE looks up from his book.

DRUNK OLD MAN

I'm gettin all Iron Man up in here.

STEVE

Sorry?

DRUNK OLD MAN

Iron Man. Tony Stark.

STEVE looks baffled. DRUNK OLD MAN points to the seat across from them where a woman wearing a skirt is sitting. She kind of has her legs open and you can see a bit of her underwear.

DRUNK OLD MAN

I'm like Tony Stark. Iron Man y'all.

(beat)

I'm hard as shit.

STEVE looks embarassed and goes back to his book. OLD DRUNK MAN nudges him again.

DRUNK OLD MAN

(whispering in STEVE's ear)

You know what I'da like to do?

DRUNK OLD MAN then makes a real disgusting "la la" sound with his tongue hanging out of his mouth for the next two stops on the train.

THE END.

I really hope I never hear that sound ever again in my life.